Catholic Sex Blog

Have you ever asked yourself this question: Why are humans born male and female? Why don’t we reproduce asexually, like some creatures? Why weren’t we born bisexual? Okay, hermaphrodites are, but that’s a physical defect. Hermaphrodism is an anomaly.

Normal humans are created male or female. Why? If you don’t believe that humans are created, but evolved to be male or female, then let me rephrase the question: why have humans evolved to be male and female?

I would say that there is only one answer to this question, and that is: we are not made to be alone. Humans have evolved to be male and female because evolution has shown that living in a community has higher chances of survival than living alone.

The organs that enable human beings to live as members of a community include the sexual organs, and what drives human beings to live in a community is the sexual urge.

Like all basic functions of the human body which are necessary for survival of the human race, pleasure is attached to sex. This pleasure that is linked to sex, as is linked to eating, drinking, breathing, sleeping, excreting… is what drives a person to do these things necessary for human survival.

Each member of the community contributes in some way to the survival of the community. Some bring food to the table, some cook, some produce art, some build… but one thing that all can do is that all can reproduce. This ensures that each function in the community has direct successors to continue the work that is being done in the community. This is the natural order of human life.

What happens when a human being is not able to reproduce? This is usually because of some physical defect, such as sterility through age or disease. These are not part of the natural order of human life; they are defects that occur through the deterioration of the human body. It is not that defective human’s fault that he or she is unable to reproduce. This human therefore has to contribute to the community in some other way.

What happens when a human being is able to reproduce, but refuses to? Unless this human is sacrificing his or her own reproductive capabilities for a higher purpose, we can say that this human is being selfish, that is, choosing to rely on his or her own self, rather than preserving the unity of the community. It becomes even more apparent when such humans demand the same rights as the rest of the community, while not contributing to it in the same way.

Instead of building up the community as each member ought to, this person is destroying the community by refusing to contribute his or her fertility to the betterment of the community.

We can quite easily see how any act of sexual intercourse that is not open to life stems from self-centeredness. This root of self-centeredness by itself runs contrary to the whole meaning of community living.

We find great difficulty in saying that a person who is self-centered in one area in his life, can be community-centred in other areas, since self-centeredness is a character defect that is at the root of all we do.

A person who says he is community-centred, but has a sexual life that is not open to life, is either being dishonest, or he doesn’t know himself very well, since there is a clear discrepancy between what he says and what he is doing. 

If he is dishonest, it is because he is saying one thing with his mouth, and saying a completely different thing with his body. It is like an unhappy person putting on a brave front, or a smile, and saying that he is happy.

We often don’t realise that our sexual organs and our sexual urge have a particular purpose. They are oriented towards community building, and we know that the very basic community in society is the family.

Thus when a person has sexual intercourse that is not open to life, he is saying with his body: “I want to start a family with you. I want to welcome new life and to help our community to grow.” But he is saying something completely contradictory with his mouth.

This is why contraception, masturbation, oral and anal sex, pedophilia, bestiality and homosexuality are immoral - because they not only do not contribute to building the community, they are tearing it down.

Note: My opinion of homosexuality (or same-sex attraction) is that it is a psychological disorder which can be treated. However, if you are of the opinion that homosexuality is not a disorder, then it’s basically saying that sexually active homosexuals have a character defect which is self-centeredness.

A person who has sexual intercourse is also saying with his body: “I want to be there with you and with our children as they grow up.”

The last line is added, because as humans, we mature far slower in life than other animals. It is therefore beneficial for the human being, as a creature, to remain monogamous in marriage, as this aids the bringing up and maturing of children as adults.

A parent who does not take responsibility for raising the children he bears is also doing something that harms the community, since the child is unable to replicate that parent’s role in the community.

This is why our first reaction to single motherhood due to irresponsible fathers, divorce, polygamy, adultery, and rape is often disapproval, because deep down, we know this does not contribute to the building of community, but instead tears it down.

In conclusion, I would say that sex is not a private matter reserved for the bedroom. Sex is intrinsically linked to the formation of families, the basic unit of community life, the basic unit of society. Thus, for us to turn a blind eye to what couples are doing in the bedroom is to turn a blind and uncaring eye to the future of society.

At the very bottom of it, sex is not so much about what we do, but who we are. We have sex because as humans, we are made (or evolved) to live in community. Everything that has to do with sex concerns the whole community and our whole culture (anthropologically speaking).

Colossians 2:6-15

You must live your whole life according to the Christ you have received - Jesus the Lord; you must be rooted in him and built on him and held firm by the faith you have been taught, and full of thanksgiving.

Make sure that no one traps you and deprives you of your freedom by some secondhand, empty, rational philosophy based on the principles of this world instead of on Christ.

In his body lives the fullness of divinity, and in him you too find your own fulfilment, in the one who is head of every Sovereignty and Power.

In him you have been circumcised, with circumcision not performed by the human hand, but by the complete stripping of your body of flesh. This is circumcision according to Christ. You have been buried with him, when you were baptised; and by baptism, too, you have been raised up with him through your belief in the power of God who raised him from the dead. You were dead, because you were sinners and had not been circumcised; he has brought you to life with him, he has forgiven us all our sins.

He has overridden the Law, and cancelled every record of the debt that we had to pay; he has done away with it by nailing it to the cross; and so he got rid of the Sovereignties and the Powers, and paraded them in public, behind him in his triumphal procession.
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Luke 6:12-19

Jesus went out into the hills to pray; and he spent the whole night in prayer to God. When day came he summoned his disciples and picked out twelve of them; he called them “apostles”: Simon whom he called Peter, and his brother Andrew; James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James son of Alphaeus, Simon called the Zealot, Judas son of James, and Judas Iscariot who became a traitor.

He then came down with them and stopped at a piece of level ground where there was a large gathering of his disciples with a great crowd of people from all parts of Judaea and from Jerusalem and from the coastal region of Tyre and Sidon who had come to hear him and to be cured of their diseases. People tormented by unclean spirits were also cured, and everyone in the crowd was trying to touch him because power came out of him that cured them all.
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Imagine you have a child, and throughout his developmental years, you never said ‘no’ to him. From somewhere you read or heard that if a child hears the word ‘no’ when he makes a request from you, he will grow up with a fear of rejection. So in order to prevent that, you say ‘yes’ to every request. After twenty years of having said ‘yes’, your child asks something of you which you cannot give. Can you say ‘no’? Chances are, you can’t. And your child, whom you’ve never said ‘no’ to, is not your child, but your master; you are his slave.

What does this have to do with today’s readings? In the first reading, St. Paul tells the Colossians: Make sure that no one traps you and deprives you of your freedom by some secondhand, empty, rational philosophy based on the principles of this world instead of on Christ.

What is the philosophy that today’s generation is taught? I think it would be Nike’s tagline “Just do it.” I wrote to an American about sexual freedom recently. Our generation is taught today that sexual freedom means being able to “just do it” without fear of constraints from previous generations or religious beliefs. Today’s generation tends to believe that if they can “just do it”, if they can say ‘yes’ to sex whenever, wherever and however they want to, only then are they sexually free.

However, a generation of people who won’t say ‘no’ to sex, quickly becomes a generation of people who can’t say ‘no’ to sex. A person who can’t say ‘no’ to sex is not sexually free. He or she is a slave to sex. This means that the philosophy that today’s generation is taught is a “secondhand, empty, rational philosophy based on the principles of this world” and it is one that traps them and deprives them of their sexual freedom.

If today’s generation (and I’m not referring just to the youth) is quickly becoming a generation of sex slaves, what then can be done for us? How can we find true freedom if the philosophy of the world only serves to make us slaves? In the gospel reading, we see Jesus and his apostles setting people free of their diseases, their demons, and all that chains them down. Today, we can find freedom from sexual slavery in the Church’s teaching of abstinence.

Abstinence is applicable not only to single persons, but persons who are married as well. The Church teaches abstinence is also healthy for married people. There are times when married people have to abstain from sex, such as when due to illness, pregnancy, travel or other reasons. What would a person who cannot say ‘no’ to sex do in cases when abstinence seems to be the only answer? If you think about it for a moment, you will understand why the media has been glorifying those answers.

Abstinence is the true test of whether one has sexual freedom or not, because abstinence shows that a person can say ‘no’ to sex, even at times when he can say ‘yes’. Freedom means having a choice and being able to make either choice. In Christ we find freedom, not just sexual freedom, but freedom in the best sense of the word.

Today is September 11, the anniversary of the terrorist attacks on America. We also remember that one person that is more dangerous than all the terrorists put together is Alfred Kinsey, the grandfather of the sexual revolution which took place all over the world. The impact of his work on sexual morality has truly devastated the world, and America, much more than any terrorist will ever do.
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Prayer:
Dear Lord, help us to desire true sexual freedom in the way that you offer it to us. Grant us the courage to turn our backs on the secondhand philosophy of the world that we are surrounded with, and turn our eyes to the redemption that you offer us through your cross. Amen.

Give Thanks to the Lord for: Showing us what true sexual freedom is.

There’s one thing about masturbation that I’ve been on the lookout for, but have never found, is something on masturbation addiction, and how it works. I know how pornography addiction works, but I’m interested in how the act of masturbation affects the human body. What does it do to the person?

I am aware of some emotional changes through the process, both before and after, so clearly there are some hormonal changes in the body. What are they? Are they really healthy, as many people seem to claim without any medical proof? Or could they actually be harmful? Because I have found no long-term benefit of masturbating regularly, but in fact a lot of negative effects, one of which would be an addiction to masturbation.

There are other substances that cause similar hormonal changes in a person’s body such as nicotine, heroin, cocaine, marijuana… and all of these are harmful. Could masturbation actually be harmful as well? Could masturbation be, perhaps, the nicotine of addiction to pornography?

I came across this website (www.newlifehabits.com) the other day. On one particular post “Masturbation Addiction Explained“. It speaks of the harmful mental and physical benefits of masturbation:

On mental effects, it says:

When a person masturbates, the ability to create and maintain relationships is hindered. Masturbation makes us more reserved and turns us inward to be concerned mostly with pleasing ourselves. Relationships are about caring for others and this is hard to do when we are being so selfish in private. Masturbation can cause us to be less outgoing and we may isolate ourselves from others in shame. We may feel uncomfortable in crowds because we lack the confidence to conduct ourselves in a healthy social way. It can effect our dating relationships and put too much weight on the physical part of the relationship and ignore the friendship that should be developing.

Sounds like the story of my life, if you ask me…

As for physical effects, it says, in a summarized form:

There are different chemical reactions happened when you masturbate as opposed to having healthy sex in a marriage. A lot of what is going on during and after these acts originates in the pituitary gland. Two main hormones are interacting and regulating each other. These are the dopamine and prolactin hormones.

Dopamine makes us feel excited and prolactin makes us feel relaxed. When a person reaches climax after arousal, the body knows how to release prolactin to suppress the dopamine so we will feel relaxed and satisfied. In marriage this is accompanied with many emotions of love and so the satisfied feeling is multiplied and you become bonded to your spouse physically and emotionally.

Over 400% more prolactin is released at climax when engaged in healthy sex with a loved one than when one masturbates. So what does that mean? It means that the person who masturbates is no where near as satisfied and definitely not bonded in love as they would be in a healthy normal marriage. In fact, the person who masturbates has no idea what they are missing out on but instead have sort of a pseudo miserable bond with fantasies that are ever changing and progressing in order to keep the person somewhat satisfied.

The person who masturbates will continue to be excited by the unregulated levels of dopamine. They may feel a little relaxed but the arousal returns quickly and they must masturbate again in order to feel relaxed again. So with a shorter period of relaxation the person must masturbate more frequently to try to reach the equivalent level of relaxation they would have in a healthy marriage. They will never reach this level of satisfaction.

In this uncontrolled and unhappy state the person is definitely not even ready to experience a marriage since they have no self-control and would bring their warped sense of love into the marriage. Remember, true love involves self-control.

In conclusion, no good comes from masturbation. Those who promote it either have never dealt with the problem or have just created an opinion with little knowledge of the negative effects.

Some time ago, I received an email that said that the Singapore government is going to amend the Penal Code, particularly pertaining to homosexual behaviour. One of the amendments is to legislate that anal and oral sex, if done in private between a consenting adult heterosexual couple aged 16 years old and above, would no longer be criminalised.

I haven’t been in touch with the local blogosphere, but I wonder if anyone wrote headlines like “Government says OK to be cocksucker”?

In addition, People Like Us (PLU) (a gay advocacy group in Singapore) has written a document saying that the proposed reform is discriminatory and prejudicial to Singapore’s interests with the following reasons:

1. It damages family and public life by encouraging deception and dishonesty (pretending to be straight). when people try to avoid discrimination and conflict;

Speaking of deception, I wonder how many people have been influenced by gay advocacies and activists to believe that they cannot live a chaste life? After all, there are a number of testimonies from former gays who have become straight and lead chaste lives. Is the deception not created by gay advocacies in the first place - that gays cannot change their behaviour? Isn’t homosexuality a psychological illness? Haven’t psychologists and pastors treated homosexuality with success?

If gay advocacies encourage homosexuals to act out their sexual desires, do they also encourage heterosexuals with a fondness for young boys and girls to act out their sexual desires? If not, isn’t that discriminatory as well?

2. It creates pressure to emigrate, thus

(a) undermining Singapore’s desire to retain our native talent pool. Somewhere around 10 percent of each generation is GLBT and to bleed population each generation through such discriminatory policies is unwise and near-sighted;

Not true that 10 percent of each generation is GLBT. This myth is based on Alfred Kinsey’s “Sexual Behavior in the Human Male” which used biased research methods.

In his book, Kinsey made the statement that “ten percent of males are more or less exclusively homosexual for at least three years between the ages of 16 and 55″. However, he also stated that only four percent of the males used in his study “are exclusively homosexual throughout their lives, after the onset of adolescence”.

Do you see the difference between the two statements?

While Kinsey was making the claim that 10 percent of males delve into homosexual behaviour for at least three years of their lives, he actually reported that only four percent of those men surveyed claimed to remain exclusively homosexual for the rest of their lives. Yet, for years, homosexual advocates have quoted Kinsey as the ultimate authority proclaiming that 10 percent of the population is indeed homosexual. People will believe what they want to believe.

The truth is that only 1-3% of the population is homosexual, as shown by these more findings concluded using more sophisticated research methods:

- An article in The Wall Street Journal (March 31, 1999), “Homosexuals and the 10% Fallacy” found that less than five percent of men and women have had any homosexual contact in their lifetime. Not only does it make this claim but also goes on to explain that “no more than three percent of men and considerably fewer women claim to be bisexual or exclusively homosexual.” These findings came from a review of more than 30 surveys in America, Europe and Scandinavia.

- The Alan Guttmacher Institute found that 2.3 percent of “sexually active men aged 20 to 39 have had any same-sex gender sexual activity during the last 10 years”, and only 1.1 percent of these men said that they have been exclusively homosexual within this time frame. (”Sexual Behavior of Men in the United States”, Family Planning Perspectives 25, no.2 (March/April 1993) 52-56

- Milton Diamond from the John A. Burns School of Medicine at the University of Hawaii makes the statement that, using the largest figures available, the findings are still only “five to six percent for males and two to three percent for females”. It’s important to understand that this study represented all individuals who have ever engaged in any kind of same-sex behaviour. (”Homosexuality and Bisexuality in Different Populations”, Archives of Sexual Behaviour 22, no.4, (1993) 303.

What’s amazing is that even some individuals who identify themselves as gay agree that the 10 percent myth is untrue. This matters because gay activists are knowingly promoting a lie. They are declaring to the world that homosexuality is “normal” and should be accepted as such. They’re hoping that the more people begin to think homosexuality is normal, the more their identity will be accepted by the majority of people.

But if you think about it, this reasoning is lame. For instance, 10-15 percent of Singaporeans suffer from alcoholism, but we don’t accept this behaviour as normal or healthy. Even if 95 percent of the population is addicted to alcohol, we still would not think of it as normal - or acceptable.

We go on with PLU’s reasons:

(b) splitting families when we say at the same time that stable and supportive families should be the bedrock of our society;

3. It undercuts Singapore’s attraction for potential incoming talent, so critical for our future;

Not so applicable now that we know that only 1-3% of the population is homosexual. Still, I have to admit that gays are extremely talented. Life is fair. Will come back to 2(b) later.

4. It restricts the ability of the government to respond to the threat of HIV, when government agencies feel that they cannot engage with the gay community in any way except a condemnatory one. Failure to deal with HIV in the gay community puts the larger community at risk.

Ah ha! There’s something fishy about this reason, don’t you think? Isn’t PLU admitting that HIV is prevalent in the gay community?

One of the myths that many of us believe is that AIDS is as much a risk for heterosexuals as it is for homosexuals. However, there are two points to note here.

1. Homosexual male relationships are rarely monogamous and those involved are more at risk for life-threatening illnesses.

Many studies have found out that the average male homosexual is far more promiscuous than the average heterosexual. The following are findings in one of the most extensive studies conducted by researches A.P. Bell and M.S. Weinberg:

- 73 percent of gay men had over 100 partners
- 58 percent of gay men had over 250 partners
- 41 percent of gay men had over 500 partners and
- 26 percent of gay men had over 1,000 partners

Source: A.P. Bell and M.S. Weinberg, Homosexualities: A study of Diversity Among Men and Women, (New York: Simon and Shuster, 1978), 308, Table 7.

Another study (”The Homosexual Lifestyle and Sexual Practices”, The Berean League (June 1991)) reveals that two homosexual researches found that 73 percent of adult male homosexuals had sex with boys age 19 or younger. Any heterosexual guy who has slept with that many women would be considered a sex addict. Yet, this seems to be the norm among homosexuals.

While there are some who would promote the myth that homosexual relationships are no different than heterosexual ones as pure fact, there are also those from the gay community who admit it to be a false statement. Andrew Sullivan, a prominent conservative gay author, says that gay couples adhere to a very different moral standard than straight couples do. He says their moral standard is one in which “a greater understanding of the need for extramarital outlets” exists. (McWhirter, D. and Mattison, A., The Male Couple: How Relationships Develop (Prentice-Hall 1984).

The same source mentions two researchers who professed themselves to be a gay couple came to the conclusion that gay relationships between men rarely survive if they are not open to outside sexual contacts.

So much for stable and supportive families… How do you support infidelity?

2. The risk of contracting AIDS from a single act of unprotected heterosexual intercourse is 1/715,000. The risk of contracting AIDS from a single act of unprotected homosexual intercourse is 1/165. (Tom W. Smith, “Adult Sexual Behaviour and the Risk of AIDS”, Family Planning Perspectives 23, no.3 (May/June 1991), 104.)

It is an undeniable fact that the potential for an individual to become infected is much more pronounced for homosexual men.

“Hard as it may be to understand, some gay men have unsafe sex because they want to get HIV - or at least skate close to the edge. Danger can be erotic, even the threat of contracting a deadly disease,” reported a Newsweek article. The article also quoted a University of Florida student saying, “If someone has AIDS or HIV, that kind of lionizes them. It’s heroic, like fighting the battle… When you get with someone who has HIV, it’s like being with someone greater than you are.” (Mark Peyser, “Deadly Dance”, Newsweek, Sep 20, 1997, 76)

Here is the most important thing among my initial thoughts:

Studies have indicated that the body’s natural immune system is broken down by repeated exposure to semen during anal intercourse. Also, the tearing and rupturing which can take place during such intercourse exposes the individual to infection by manifold serious and fatal diseases. Of these, AIDS is the most well-known and the most dangerous.

Source: Larry Burtoft, Ph.D, Setting the Record Straight: What Research Really Says About the Social Consequences of Homosexuality (Focus on the Family 1994) 32-33

PLU calls for the amendment not to apply only to heterosexual couples, but to all people. I feel that there should not be an amendment in the first place. Anal sex is wrong, whether it be for homosexuals or heterosexuals, because of this abovementioned reason.

There is great physical danger in circulating the myth that homosexuals are not at a greater risk for contracting AIDS than homosexuals. People’s lives are at stake! Of course, there are other risks for those who are involved in homosexuality: isolation, heartache, confusion, disillusionment, abandonment, etc. When you’re living outside of God’s will for your life - whether by experimenting or willfully embracing any other sin - you will feel the effects one way or another. And probably the biggest result of living a sinful life is not having peace with God.

Now other than this last paragraph, there has been no mention of God at all, so don’t any atheists come and write that “It’s because of bullshit like this that’s why I’m an atheist”, as someone did before…

Most of the information in this post has come from an excellent booklet “Straight Answers - Exposing the Myths and Facts about Homosexuality”. I found this at the Anglican St. Andrew’s Cathedral in Singapore.

More information about homosexuality and living a chaste Catholic life can be found here.

Now as a final section to this post, you might be wondering: What can I do to help someone struggling with homosexuality?

The best thing you can do for someone you know battling the sin of homosexuality is pray! Ask God to give you opportunities to show your care and concern for them and pray for the strength and courage to share the truth in love. Here are some steps to remember:

1. Remember that all of us have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory. So, be willing to share about your own personal struggles and temptations.

2. Don’t condemn. People have not “chosen” to “have homosexual feelings” the way some choose to live in a certain city. To describe it this way is to convince them that you have no understanding at all about their experience - and no sympathy for it, as well. Know that the core of the homosexual struggle is rejection.

3. Don’t start citing all the problems with homosexuality. Consider how rarely exhortations convince someone to give up alcohol or smoking. But don’t go to the opposite extreme either. Unquestioning acceptance of homosexuality as a legitimate “alternative” may seem at first to be the only compassionate option. But there are better and more appropriate approaches that show concern and understanding, yet deal with the reality of the situation.

4. Try to prevent the problem before it occurs. Openly discuss the subject of homosexuality with your friends or anyone you are close to who may be struggling. Familiarize yourself with the causes and address them at an early time. Help them understand the risks.

5. Share specific avenues of help like Courage that has helped thousands of people in the midst of their struggle with homosexuality. Give them hope that change is possible! Even if the person is defensive and resistant, a specific route of assistance that is lovingly offered may be followed some day down the road.

6. Show love, concern and gentleness as you point the way to healing.

Now if only I knew all these things eight years ago, then my four friendships with homosexuals might have turned out better…

Back to the amendment, Singaporeans must know that once the law is passed in favour of the gay agenda, there’ll be no turning back the gradual undermining and destruction of the biblical family values, as well as the freedom to preach godly sexuality standards, as is now happening in parts of Britain, Australia and the U.S.

As a lay Christian, you can do your part by sending feedback to the government at www.reach.gov.sg. Scroll down to “Something to SAY?” You’ll know it by the big green question mark. Click on “Email Us today”.

The subject line should always mention: Penal Code Amendment

All you need to do is write something like: “With respect to the coming Parliamentary debate on the above subject, I would like to state that I’m against passing laws to allow same sex marriages or homosexual practices.”

A parent could send in something like: “I have three young children and I’m against any legislation that allows for same-sex marriages.”

Other possible statements:

“I don’t hate homosexuals, but I don’t believe their lifestyle is good for the future of our country.”

“I believe that real family is made from Dad and Mum, not Dad & Dad, or Mum & Mum.”

“Please don’t allow our country to be influenced by people who are confused about their own gender. Please don’t legalize same-sex marriages.”

We Catholics are always saying things like “The Church should…” This time, the onus falls on our shoulders to be that Church to do something about the morals of this country. Play your part in imbuing the country with Christian values today!

This is the most popular post in my other blog, Catholic Writings, which today celebrates its first Gregorian birthday i.e. birthday according to the Gregorian calendar. Over the past 365 days, this post has seen 5,149 views, and has received many queries by Catholics and non-Catholics searching for answers, which I will try to provide here. Feel free to ask questions below and I will try my best to answer them.

First, what is the purpose of sex?

Some people say that sex is for the purpose of procreation. Unfortunately, such reasoning cannot justify sexual intercourse for women who have gone through menopause. Others say that sex is purely for pleasure, which is a hedonistic reason. Still others say that it is for bonding between husband and wife.

A more complete answer would be that it is for the renewal of marriage vows taken by a man and his wife at the altar. It is a renewal of the marital vows where both man and wife choose to freely give themselves totally to each other in an exclusive relationship that is open to life.

Sex is therefore a sign of love between a man and a woman. A love that is freely given to each other, complete and total, faithful to each other, and that is life-giving. This sexual act between man and woman is also a sign of God’s love for his church, and also a sign of God’s love as a trinity.

By this I mean the free, total, faithful and fruitful love between the Father and the Son. The Father willingly (read: free) gives himself completely (read: total) to the Son and only to the Son (read: faithful) because there is no one else that he can receive him in this total way, except for one that is like him. This is because only the Son is eternally begotten by the Father, as we recite in the Nicene Creed every Sunday Mass. And the Son too gives himself freely, completely, and faithfully to the Father. This love between them is so perfect that it yields (read: fruitful) the person of the Holy Spirit.

This Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life (as it is in the Nicene Creed as well) must be welcomed in any complete union, particularly the union between man and woman, husband and wife. In other words, any union between a man and a woman, particularly their sexual union, must be open to the Holy Spirit, the giver of life.

A sexual union that is not open to the Holy Spirit, the giver of life, is a union in which the couple says to God, “No, we don’t want you in our union.”

To answer the question on the Catholic teaching on oral sex, and in fact almost any question on sex, it is important to bear in mind these four conditions: FTFF - Free, Total, Faithful, Fruitful.

Is the sexual act in question Free, Total, Faithful, and Fruitful?

Is oral sex open to life? Can life come from oral sex? Is the Holy Spirit able to create life from oral sex?

The answer is ‘no’, because oral sex is not life-giving. This, however, refers to oral sex used as an ‘alternative’ to sexual intercourse. There are, however, two instances when oral stimulation of the genitals is allowed in a Catholic marriage.

The Catholic Church does not specify what is a complete act of sexual intercourse between a husband and his wife, but a good rule of thumb is that ejaculation should take place inside the woman’s vagina, and that both the husband and his wife have achieved sexual climax. The ideal act of conjugal love, according to Pope John Paul II’s “Love & Responsibility”, takes place when both the man and the woman climax at the same time.

In reality, this is hardly ever achieved. Karol Wojtyla (later Pope John Paul II), before his election to the papalship, explained that the man is usually the first to reach sexual climax, because of his biological nature. It is therefore the man’s responsibility to slow down, and help his wife to approach sexual climax, so that both can climax at the same time. This can be done through manual stimulation, which includes oral sex (without the ejaculation). This is the first case in which oral sex is allowed to be used in a Catholic marriage.

In the event that the man has already reached sexual climax, the act of sexual intercourse is not considered complete until the woman has also reached sexual climax. As such, the man is allowed to manually stimulate his wife to help her to reach sexual climax. This is the second case in which oral sex is allowed to be used in a Catholic marriage.

A note of caution: Care must be taken, however, to be aware of the line between love and lust. Love focuses on giving oneself to the other, while lust is about using another person for one’s own gratification. Husband and wife must always respect each other as persons to love, not as objects to be used for one’s own sexual or emotional gratification.

The original post (in a less complete form) is found in my other blog. Many queries were raised and answered there.