Catholic Sex Blog

I attended a talk today on “Theology of the Body” given by Family Life Society’s Andrew Kong once. It was held in a function room in the National University of Singapore for about 50+ university students from the Catholic Students Society there.

Although I had heard Andrew speak on the subject before, it is always interesting to learn more about the huge topic. Realising that I gain something every time I explore this topic, I made up my mind to attend the talk, especially since the crowd would be a most interesting one. I looked forward to the question-and-answer segment at the end of the talk. University students are always full of interesting questions and viewpoints.

The talk held in the evening drew a good mixture of male and female students… boys and girls who would become ladies and gentlemen after listening to Andrew’s eloquent lesson on one of Pope John Paul II’s greatest legacies for the Catholic Church and the world at large.

One of the most interesting parts of the talk came when Andrew invited all present to imagine a particularly tantalizing scenario. Loud boisterous hur-hur-hur came from the young men present, laughter which masked their embarrassment, possibly from having viewed something similar during their private pornography viewing sessions. The louder the laughter, the more embarrassment it masked.

The other most interesting part of the talk was when someone asked Andrew about the female equivalent of lust. For males, lust (using of another person) usually manifests itself through sexual lust. Lustful males are pornography’s largest viewers. But what about lustful females? What is the female equivalent, asked a student.

Andrew’s response was to suggest romance novels. Immediately, the girls present giggled in embarrassment. That was an eye-opener for me. For while young men tend to laugh in embarrassment when their secret thoughts are laid bare in such a talk, Andrew expertly laid bare the secret thoughts of the young ladies present.

Just last week, I was speaking with a religious sister in her seventies, who shared with me that even at her age, she experiences the temptation to fantasize when she reads sexually explicit scenes in novels. Although romance novels are not her cup of tea, she sometimes encounters them in crime novels. When she does, she skims over them. Pope John Paul would call this “custody of the eyes”, a form of self-defense.

Incidentally, certain Korean drama serials came to mind when Andrew mentioned romance novels. It suddenly dawned on me (when it should have long ago) that these drama serials which draw the women by the thousands are none other than the female equivalent of pornography. It’s not pornography per se, because it does not meet the definitions of what pornography is, but it becomes apparent immediately that many ladies are as hooked to drama serials (and romance novels) as many men are hooked to pornography.

The results are expectedly similar. While pornography addicts become increasingly unsociable, and find increasing difficulty in relating to the opposite sex, women who are hooked to drama serials and romance novels also become increasingly unsociable, and also find increasing difficulty in relating to the opposite sex.

While pornography addicts may end up projecting their fantasies onto the women in their lives, resulting in unhappiness and dissatisfaction in relationships, drama serial addicts may also end up projecting their own fantasies of how a man should be onto the men in their lives, which also result in unhappiness and dissatisfaction in relationships.

There we find the line between reality and fantasy blurred. As we become accustomed to the images of men and women in our respective fantasies, we want our fantasies to become reality, and when we don’t get it (since it is impossible, that’s why it’s called a fantasy), we are dissatisfied with whoever we are with.

As no man or woman is perfect, and no reality can be fantasy, we will forever be dissatisfied, so long as we expect our fantasy world to become reality. It is easy to say that this can never happen to us as we are in full control of our senses, but people who are addicted are not free; they are not in full control of their senses. That is why the line between fantasy and reality is blurred. That is why lust is so dangerous to our humanity. It makes us less human, hence it dehumanises us.

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